"నవ్వడం ఒక భోగం, నవ్వించడం ఒక యోగం, నవ్వలేక పోవడం ఒక రోగం."
1. Mayawati apne friend Lalu ke ghar BAKRA le ke jati hai..
Lalu: E Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho ?
Mayawati: Dikhta nahi, BAKRA hai
Funny Lalu: ha ha mei BAKRA se hi Puch raha Hun..!!
2. Ek 10 saal ka kid bohot dhyan se ek book pad raha tha, jiska title tha: "Kids ka paalan poshan kaise kare".
Mother: Tum yeh book kyon pad rahe ho.
Funny Kid: Mein yeh dekhna chahta hun ke mera paalan poshan theek tara se ho raha hai ya nahi.
2. American: Hamare yahan shaadi e-mail se bhi hoti hai.
Hindi Comedy man: Kamal hai hamare yahan to shaadi sirf female se hoti hai.
3. Servant to Maalik: Maalik, Ramu apko gadhe ke barabar bhi nahi samjhta.
Funny Ramu: Nahi maalik, yeh jhooth bol raha hai, mein to samjhta hoon ji.
4. Sardar to Bania friend: Main apna purse
ghar bhool aaya, mujhe 1000 Rs chahiye.
Funny Kanjoos Bania: Dost hi to dost ke kam aata hai. Yeh lo Rs.10 . Riksha karle ghar jao aur apna purse le aao.
5. Boy to friend: Dekho voh ladki meri taraf dekh ke muskura rahi hai.
Friend: Yeh to kutch bhi nahi, jab maine pehli bar tumari shakal dekhi thi to 3 din apni hassi nahi rok paya tha.
6. Lawyer to Lalu: "Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho ke...... "
Funny Lalu : "Yeh kya, Sita pe haath lagaya to court mein Bulaya. Ab fir Gita pe haath!!"
7. Santa: Tuhari car ka tyre puncture kaise hua?
Driver Banta: Ik daaru ki bottle iske neeche aa gayi thi.
Santa: Tumhe bottle nazar nahi aayi?
Funny Banta: Bottle uss bande ki jeb me thi jo meri car ke neeche aaya tha.
8. Husband: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein Pagal ho jaaunga.
Wife: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey?
Funny Husband: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai
9. Lady doctor: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho?
Funny Lalu: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am - 11am hai.
10. Santa ek Sadhu se bola: Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao.
Funny Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?
11. Banta: Tumne apni patni ko birthday par diamond ring kiyon di? Voh to car chahti thi na?
Santa: Par mein nakali car kahan se le ke ata?
12. Laloo dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Funny Laloo: Who r u?
Girl: Seeta here.
Funny Laloo: Maine Patna phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya.
13. Funny Man ik ped pe chada. Upar baithey Monkey ne poocha: Upar kyon aaya hai?
Funny Man: Apple khane.
Monkey: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Funny Man: Pata hai, Apple saath laaya hoon.
14. Poultry farm ke maalik ne sabhi Murgiyon ko order diya.
"Agar tum logon ne kal se 2-2 ande nahi diye to kal se tumhara dana pani band."
Murgiya dar gayi ....sab ne 2-2 ande diye magar ek ne sirf ek anda hi diya"
Malik "Tum ne 1 anda hi diya hai?"
Jawab mila:
"Sir ye aapke dar ki wajah se diya hai. Waise main to Murga hoon"
15. **WARNING** THIS IS NOT TRUE IN CASE OF EVERY SAALI. AND DO NOT TAKE THIS PERSONALLY!!
Saali is Beauty, Wife is Duty
Saali is Pension, Wife is Tension
Saali is Yummy, Wife is Vehmi
Saali is Pataka, Wife is BATAKA
Saali is Cool, Wife is Fool
Saali is Tooti - Fruity, Wife is Kismat Futi
Saali is Fresh cake , Wife is earth QUAKE
16. Ik bar Laloo ji sykil chala rahe the, ke achanak sykil Ik girl se takra gayi
Girl shouted: Sala ghanti nahi maar sakta tha!
Funny Laloo: Behanji, poori sykil to maar di, ab ghanti alag se maroon ?
17. Santa train chadne laga to akashvani hui: Yeh train patri se utar jaegi. Voh chada hi nahi.
Santa plain pe chadne laga to akashvani hui: Yeh crash ho jaega. Voh fir vapis aa gaya.
Santa bus pe baithne laga to avaz aai: Is ka accident ho jaega.
Santa: Tusi kon ho Ji?
Avaz aai: Bhagwan.
Funny Santa: Jab mein ghori chadan laga si, ta tusi kidhar si ji?
18. Ik Young Beautiful Girl ne ik Rich old-man se shaadi kar ki.
Interviewer asks Cute Girl: Apne inme shaadi k liye kya dekha?
Cute Girl: Ik to inki income aur doosre inke Din-kam.
19. Santa: Yaar Ye Autometacily Kya Hota Hai
Banta: Simple Yaar, Jab Koi Ganji Aurat Auto Me Baith K Jaye to Use bolte hai "Auto-Me-Takli"
20. Santa: Sir aap meri salary bada diyo, meri shaadi ho gayi hai.
Boss: Factory ke bahar hone wale dur-ghatna ke liye factory jimmedar nahin hotii.
21. Doctor: Aap ka aur aapki wife ka blood group ek hi hai?
Funny Husband: Hoga, Jarur hoga; 25 saal sey mera khoon jo pee rahi hai....
22. Husband: Sir, meri wife gumm ho gayi hai.
Postmaster: Bhai yeh postoffice hai. Ja ke policestation mein complaint likhao.
Funny Husband: Kya karun, khushi ke mare kutch samaj hi nahi aa rha.
23. Beggar: Sahib, 10 rupe de do. Coffee pini hai.
Sahib: Par coffee ka cup to 5 rupe ka milta hai.
Beggar: Sahib, sath girlfriend bhi hai.
Funny Sahib: Beggar ho ke girlfriend bna li.
Funny Beggar: Nahi Sahib, girlfriend ne beggar bna diya.
24. Anath Ashram Manager to Bania:
Sethji, aap hamare anath ashram ke liye kya kar sakte ho ?
Funny Bania: Mein anath ashram mein apne 4 bachhe bhej sakta hu.
25. Ik Bhakt Ashram me ja ke Swami Ji se bola: Swami Ji, mera Puja e mann nai lagta! kya karu?
Funny Swami Ji: Us Puja ko mere pass bhej do, shayad mera man lag jae.
26. Wife to Husband: Suno Ji, doctor ne mujhe ik mahine k aaram k liye kisi Hill station par jane ko kaha hai, hum kaha jayenge?
Funny Husband: Dusre doctor k paas..
27. Police: Kuch der me aapko phansi di jayegi ap ki aakhri khwaish kya hai?
Funny Yoga Guru: Plz muje Yoga position me fansi lagan. Sar Niche aur feet upar karke phansi dena.
28. Sardar Ji: Hamne Mobile Marriage Bureau shuru kiya hai:
Rishtey k liye 1 dabaye,
Mangni k liye 2 dabye,
Shaadi k liye 3 dabye.
A Gujarati Man asks: Dusri shadi k liye kya dabana hai ji ?
Sardar Ji: Dusri shadi k liye pehle wali ka gala dabye ..!
29. Punjabi Boy: Main tere nal shaadi nahi kar sakda. Ghar wale mana kar rahe ne.
Punjabi Girl: Ghar vich kon kon hai.
Punjabi Boy: 1 bivi te 3 bache.
30. A Sardar Doctor and Pundit loved same girl.
Pundit started giving an apple to the girl everyday.
Sardar Doctor asked: WHY ??
Pundit: An apple a day keeps the doctor away!
31. Santa: I got married because I was tired of cooking, clean ing home and washing clothes.
Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason.
32. A Very Funny beautiful girl was a college student.
Once Very Funny Girl comes late to class.
Teacher: Why are you late?
Very Funny Girl : One boy was following me, sir.
Teacher: So, What?
Very Funny Girl : That boy was walking very slow.
33. Ik husband apni wife ke kirya kram (cremation) kar ke ghar lot raha tha.
Tabhi asman me jor se bijli chamki aur badal garje.
Husband bola: Lagta hai pohonch gayi.
35. Santa was weeping at a grave, "Why did you die? Why did you die? Your death ruined my life."
Banta: For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent? Wife? or Girlfriend ?
Santa: My wife’s first husband.
36. Laloo's Son: Papa, aapki shaadi me kitna kharcha aaya tha?
Laloo: Meine kabhi hisab nahi lagaya, par mein aaj tak uss ke liye pay kar raha hu.
37. Ik Haryanvi ne bank se car loan liya. Voh loan vapis nahi kar paya. Bank vale uss ki car le gaye.
Haryanvi: Agar mere ko yeh pata hota to mein apni shaadi ke liye bhi loan leta
38. Husband: Mein apni wife se divorce chahta hu. Voh mere se 6 mahine se boli nahi.
Lawyer: Dubara soch lo, aisi wife kismat valon ko hi naseeb hoti hai.
39. Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student: Mahatma Gandhi was born.
Teacher: What happened in 1873?
Student: Gandhi was four years old.
40. Chemistry Teacher: What is the chemical formula of water?
Student: HIJKLMNO.
Chemistry Teacher: What are you talking about?
Student: Yesterday you said H to O.
41. Harassed Husband: Honey, I invited a friend home for dinner.
Wife: What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, all the dishes are dirty, and I can't cook meal.
Husband: I know all that.
Wife: Then why did you invite the friend?
Husband: Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married.
42. An Indian Sardar ji & a Pakistani were in Titanic. Titanic was sinking.
Pakistani: How much the earth is far from here?
Indian Sardar Ji: 2 kilo meter.
The Pakistani jumped into the sea and asked again: ...to which direction?
Indian Sardar Ji: Downwards.
43. Santa: Hurry-up, hurry-up, give me a drink. Fight is about to start.
Bartender gives him a drink.
Santa again says: Hurry-up, hurry-up, give me drink. Fight is about to start.
Bartender again gives him a drink.
Santa again asks for a drink as the fight is about to star.
Bartender: When on earth the fight will start?
Naughty Santa: When you will ask for money.
44. Patni: Agar mein mar jaon to tum dubara shaadi karoge?
Pati: Bilkul nahi.
Patnai: Mujhe yakeen hai tum dubara shaadi karoge.
Pati: Ok, mein shaadi karunga.
Patni: Kya tum usko hamare bed pe sulaoge?
Pati: Yes.
Patni: Kya tum meri jeans usko dalne doge?
Pati: Nahi, Voh tumhare se lambi hai.
45. Annoyed Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why three?
Annoyed Husband: For you and your parents.
Lalu: E Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho ?
Mayawati: Dikhta nahi, BAKRA hai
Funny Lalu: ha ha mei BAKRA se hi Puch raha Hun..!!
2. Ek 10 saal ka kid bohot dhyan se ek book pad raha tha, jiska title tha: "Kids ka paalan poshan kaise kare".
Mother: Tum yeh book kyon pad rahe ho.
Funny Kid: Mein yeh dekhna chahta hun ke mera paalan poshan theek tara se ho raha hai ya nahi.
2. American: Hamare yahan shaadi e-mail se bhi hoti hai.
Hindi Comedy man: Kamal hai hamare yahan to shaadi sirf female se hoti hai.
3. Servant to Maalik: Maalik, Ramu apko gadhe ke barabar bhi nahi samjhta.
Funny Ramu: Nahi maalik, yeh jhooth bol raha hai, mein to samjhta hoon ji.
4. Sardar to Bania friend: Main apna purse
ghar bhool aaya, mujhe 1000 Rs chahiye.
Funny Kanjoos Bania: Dost hi to dost ke kam aata hai. Yeh lo Rs.10 . Riksha karle ghar jao aur apna purse le aao.
5. Boy to friend: Dekho voh ladki meri taraf dekh ke muskura rahi hai.
Friend: Yeh to kutch bhi nahi, jab maine pehli bar tumari shakal dekhi thi to 3 din apni hassi nahi rok paya tha.
6. Lawyer to Lalu: "Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho ke...... "
Funny Lalu : "Yeh kya, Sita pe haath lagaya to court mein Bulaya. Ab fir Gita pe haath!!"
7. Santa: Tuhari car ka tyre puncture kaise hua?
Driver Banta: Ik daaru ki bottle iske neeche aa gayi thi.
Santa: Tumhe bottle nazar nahi aayi?
Funny Banta: Bottle uss bande ki jeb me thi jo meri car ke neeche aaya tha.
8. Husband: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein Pagal ho jaaunga.
Wife: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey?
Funny Husband: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai
9. Lady doctor: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho?
Funny Lalu: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am - 11am hai.
10. Santa ek Sadhu se bola: Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao.
Funny Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?
11. Banta: Tumne apni patni ko birthday par diamond ring kiyon di? Voh to car chahti thi na?
Santa: Par mein nakali car kahan se le ke ata?
12. Laloo dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Funny Laloo: Who r u?
Girl: Seeta here.
Funny Laloo: Maine Patna phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya.
13. Funny Man ik ped pe chada. Upar baithey Monkey ne poocha: Upar kyon aaya hai?
Funny Man: Apple khane.
Monkey: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Funny Man: Pata hai, Apple saath laaya hoon.
14. Poultry farm ke maalik ne sabhi Murgiyon ko order diya.
"Agar tum logon ne kal se 2-2 ande nahi diye to kal se tumhara dana pani band."
Murgiya dar gayi ....sab ne 2-2 ande diye magar ek ne sirf ek anda hi diya"
Malik "Tum ne 1 anda hi diya hai?"
Jawab mila:
"Sir ye aapke dar ki wajah se diya hai. Waise main to Murga hoon"
15. **WARNING** THIS IS NOT TRUE IN CASE OF EVERY SAALI. AND DO NOT TAKE THIS PERSONALLY!!
Saali is Beauty, Wife is Duty
Saali is Pension, Wife is Tension
Saali is Yummy, Wife is Vehmi
Saali is Pataka, Wife is BATAKA
Saali is Cool, Wife is Fool
Saali is Tooti - Fruity, Wife is Kismat Futi
Saali is Fresh cake , Wife is earth QUAKE
16. Ik bar Laloo ji sykil chala rahe the, ke achanak sykil Ik girl se takra gayi
Girl shouted: Sala ghanti nahi maar sakta tha!
Funny Laloo: Behanji, poori sykil to maar di, ab ghanti alag se maroon ?
17. Santa train chadne laga to akashvani hui: Yeh train patri se utar jaegi. Voh chada hi nahi.
Santa plain pe chadne laga to akashvani hui: Yeh crash ho jaega. Voh fir vapis aa gaya.
Santa bus pe baithne laga to avaz aai: Is ka accident ho jaega.
Santa: Tusi kon ho Ji?
Avaz aai: Bhagwan.
Funny Santa: Jab mein ghori chadan laga si, ta tusi kidhar si ji?
18. Ik Young Beautiful Girl ne ik Rich old-man se shaadi kar ki.
Interviewer asks Cute Girl: Apne inme shaadi k liye kya dekha?
Cute Girl: Ik to inki income aur doosre inke Din-kam.
19. Santa: Yaar Ye Autometacily Kya Hota Hai
Banta: Simple Yaar, Jab Koi Ganji Aurat Auto Me Baith K Jaye to Use bolte hai "Auto-Me-Takli"
20. Santa: Sir aap meri salary bada diyo, meri shaadi ho gayi hai.
Boss: Factory ke bahar hone wale dur-ghatna ke liye factory jimmedar nahin hotii.
21. Doctor: Aap ka aur aapki wife ka blood group ek hi hai?
Funny Husband: Hoga, Jarur hoga; 25 saal sey mera khoon jo pee rahi hai....
22. Husband: Sir, meri wife gumm ho gayi hai.
Postmaster: Bhai yeh postoffice hai. Ja ke policestation mein complaint likhao.
Funny Husband: Kya karun, khushi ke mare kutch samaj hi nahi aa rha.
23. Beggar: Sahib, 10 rupe de do. Coffee pini hai.
Sahib: Par coffee ka cup to 5 rupe ka milta hai.
Beggar: Sahib, sath girlfriend bhi hai.
Funny Sahib: Beggar ho ke girlfriend bna li.
Funny Beggar: Nahi Sahib, girlfriend ne beggar bna diya.
24. Anath Ashram Manager to Bania:
Sethji, aap hamare anath ashram ke liye kya kar sakte ho ?
Funny Bania: Mein anath ashram mein apne 4 bachhe bhej sakta hu.
25. Ik Bhakt Ashram me ja ke Swami Ji se bola: Swami Ji, mera Puja e mann nai lagta! kya karu?
Funny Swami Ji: Us Puja ko mere pass bhej do, shayad mera man lag jae.
26. Wife to Husband: Suno Ji, doctor ne mujhe ik mahine k aaram k liye kisi Hill station par jane ko kaha hai, hum kaha jayenge?
Funny Husband: Dusre doctor k paas..
27. Police: Kuch der me aapko phansi di jayegi ap ki aakhri khwaish kya hai?
Funny Yoga Guru: Plz muje Yoga position me fansi lagan. Sar Niche aur feet upar karke phansi dena.
28. Sardar Ji: Hamne Mobile Marriage Bureau shuru kiya hai:
Rishtey k liye 1 dabaye,
Mangni k liye 2 dabye,
Shaadi k liye 3 dabye.
A Gujarati Man asks: Dusri shadi k liye kya dabana hai ji ?
Sardar Ji: Dusri shadi k liye pehle wali ka gala dabye ..!
29. Punjabi Boy: Main tere nal shaadi nahi kar sakda. Ghar wale mana kar rahe ne.
Punjabi Girl: Ghar vich kon kon hai.
Punjabi Boy: 1 bivi te 3 bache.
30. A Sardar Doctor and Pundit loved same girl.
Pundit started giving an apple to the girl everyday.
Sardar Doctor asked: WHY ??
Pundit: An apple a day keeps the doctor away!
31. Santa: I got married because I was tired of cooking, clean ing home and washing clothes.
Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason.
32. A Very Funny beautiful girl was a college student.
Once Very Funny Girl comes late to class.
Teacher: Why are you late?
Very Funny Girl : One boy was following me, sir.
Teacher: So, What?
Very Funny Girl : That boy was walking very slow.
33. Ik husband apni wife ke kirya kram (cremation) kar ke ghar lot raha tha.
Tabhi asman me jor se bijli chamki aur badal garje.
Husband bola: Lagta hai pohonch gayi.
35. Santa was weeping at a grave, "Why did you die? Why did you die? Your death ruined my life."
Banta: For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent? Wife? or Girlfriend ?
Santa: My wife’s first husband.
36. Laloo's Son: Papa, aapki shaadi me kitna kharcha aaya tha?
Laloo: Meine kabhi hisab nahi lagaya, par mein aaj tak uss ke liye pay kar raha hu.
37. Ik Haryanvi ne bank se car loan liya. Voh loan vapis nahi kar paya. Bank vale uss ki car le gaye.
Haryanvi: Agar mere ko yeh pata hota to mein apni shaadi ke liye bhi loan leta
38. Husband: Mein apni wife se divorce chahta hu. Voh mere se 6 mahine se boli nahi.
Lawyer: Dubara soch lo, aisi wife kismat valon ko hi naseeb hoti hai.
39. Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student: Mahatma Gandhi was born.
Teacher: What happened in 1873?
Student: Gandhi was four years old.
40. Chemistry Teacher: What is the chemical formula of water?
Student: HIJKLMNO.
Chemistry Teacher: What are you talking about?
Student: Yesterday you said H to O.
41. Harassed Husband: Honey, I invited a friend home for dinner.
Wife: What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, all the dishes are dirty, and I can't cook meal.
Husband: I know all that.
Wife: Then why did you invite the friend?
Husband: Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married.
42. An Indian Sardar ji & a Pakistani were in Titanic. Titanic was sinking.
Pakistani: How much the earth is far from here?
Indian Sardar Ji: 2 kilo meter.
The Pakistani jumped into the sea and asked again: ...to which direction?
Indian Sardar Ji: Downwards.
43. Santa: Hurry-up, hurry-up, give me a drink. Fight is about to start.
Bartender gives him a drink.
Santa again says: Hurry-up, hurry-up, give me drink. Fight is about to start.
Bartender again gives him a drink.
Santa again asks for a drink as the fight is about to star.
Bartender: When on earth the fight will start?
Naughty Santa: When you will ask for money.
44. Patni: Agar mein mar jaon to tum dubara shaadi karoge?
Pati: Bilkul nahi.
Patnai: Mujhe yakeen hai tum dubara shaadi karoge.
Pati: Ok, mein shaadi karunga.
Patni: Kya tum usko hamare bed pe sulaoge?
Pati: Yes.
Patni: Kya tum meri jeans usko dalne doge?
Pati: Nahi, Voh tumhare se lambi hai.
45. Annoyed Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why three?
Annoyed Husband: For you and your parents.
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